Crap talk

My study skills lecturer told me (well, the entire class) to write, or blog, considering the fact nobody actually picks up a pen and write nowadays. Furthermore, today, I met with my mentor (or counsellor since her purpose is to counsel) and it got me thinking about college life. 

What problems do I face in college? Too many assignments? Yes. Procrastination? Yes. Subject's difficulty? Yes. I must admit it's not that easy. However, I can handle all those things right now. Assignments are what college is all about, and I already got one done :) I believe I can get the rest done too. Procrastination? It runs in my blood. It runs in everyone's blood. So it's normal. Next, subject difficulty. Oh yes, Calculus. Why in the world did I take Calculus, but no matter what, it's still Math so again, I believe practice makes perfect. 

I guess the problem that I am really new with is making friends. For the past 11 years of my life, I have no memory of how I made friends. Not just friends, but close friends that sticks with me no matter what. Plus, I am never the outspoken type. I keep a lot to myself and am always worry if my words will offend anyone. I guess I am really an introvert, but I don't want to! I want to be 50-50 introvert and extrovert. 

Choosing the right friends could be a real challenge. You surely do not want to mix around with people who go clubbing, smoking and just playing around their college life. For the past 4 weeks, I have identified some who are those 'party all day' kind of people and some who are studious. Moreover, because it has already been a month, cliques were formed. The existence of cliques has become quite difficult for me to just hop into a group of people and go, "Hey, what are you guys doing?". Well, maybe those cliques are nice people who would accept your randomness and laughs at your lame jokes. What if there are cliques who are just mean and give you that death glare? I don't know. College sure is scary. 

Perhaps I should just go with the flow. I am not desperate for friends, am I? I have friends now that are good enough... I guess having more people to smile or talk at, increases my self-esteem. It makes me feel less invisible. It makes me feel worth existing.

Loneliness kills me.